The Trouble With Courting
by steelgray
Summary: Subject: Bilbo Baggins. Situation: Dire. Who knew that feet could cause such issues? Bilbo Baggins finds that they can when he finds himself being courted. But Thorin doesn't need to know! He can handle it himself...so he thinks. The Company disagrees. 100 Word Drabble Series. ThorinxBilbo, Thilbo Bagginshield. Slash. Set Before the Battle of the Five Armies (BOFTA) Fluffy Fluff!
1. An Unexpected Surprise

**Welcome! Enjoy the vast amounts of cuteness that can come before BOFTA.**

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Bilbo wasn't sure what was going on.

The mountain had been rebuilt, and he'd been working on the cultivation spreadsheets like Thorin had requested when a nervous-looking courier had shuffled over, holding a small package.

With a deep bow, he said, "With Master Bain's respects, Master Baggins."

And he had proceeded to shove the gift-wrapped box into Bilbo's hands and rush away, as if he didn't want to be seen.

Shrugging, Bilbo decided that no one meant him any harm, and opened it.

He nearly dropped it when he found a heavy ring inside, dripping with diamonds.

He promptly fainted.

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**Oh, poor Bilbo. We should really know not to shock him by now, just when he was getting over regaining the mountain.**

**Thanks to my amazing beta 101olive4u. You guys should check out her fic about Fili and Kili. Do it. Do it now. It's amazing.**

**(But preferably) Please review with your thoughts and prompts for future chapters first.**

**Thanks!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	2. Courting? Really?

**Glad you all liked the last chapter! Thanks for all the support!**

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When Bilbo came to, he was in the infirmary with the worried faces of Bofur and Bombur hovering over his.

"Are you alright, lad?" Bombur asks, looking concerned, "Did you skip elevenses again?"

"Who sent you this?" Bofur holds up the ring, "It looks like a courting present!" he jokes with a wink.

"A- A courting present?" Bilbo laughs, "That's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"Well, lad," Bombur says, "Who gave it to you?"

"Some dwarf…The courier said his name was Master Bain, I believe."

Bilbo hadn't been expecting the reaction that he received. The two jumped up, looking livid. "Master Bain?"

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**Again beta'd by the wonderful 101olive4u. **

**Courting, courting. Poor Bilbo.**

**Tell me with a review if you're enjoying his pain as much as I am *(evil)mwhaahahaha***

**xoxo Brenda**


	3. Drastic Times Mean Drastic Measures

**Here's your new chapter! Thanks for such a positive response. I hope you like this one!**

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"Is that bad?" Bilbo had asked in a small voice.

"That cradle-robbing piece of-"

Bofur cut his brother off. "What Bombur means is that, yes, that's a courting present."

Bilbo immediately begins to panic. "I don't know your courting customs! What am I supposed to do?"

Bombur cracks his fists. "You can leave that to us, Bilbo."

"We should think about this rationally." Bofur's reasonable voice breaks in before Bombur can do anything drastic. "Perhaps we should just tell Thorin?"

"No!" Bilbo protests, "Anything but that. He's too busy to be bothered by my little problem."

They're interrupted by a foot stomping outside of their curtain. "Master Baggins?"

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**Did you like it? Please tell me in the reviews, I love hearing from you! Remember: Reviewing makes the author happy, and a happy author updates faster!**

**Brenda xoxo**


	4. On Matters of Cloth

**Hehe. And we discover what's causing all of this hullaballoo.**

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Another courier rushes in as soon as Bilbo says to come in.

"Master Baggins," the servant bows, "With Master Thar's respects."

He sets the gift down, scurrying away.

Opening the package, Bilbo finds a handkerchief, soft and hand-embroidered with precious stones.

Just as Bilbo's about to ask what's brought this on, Bofur speaks.

"When did you stop wearing socks?"

"When the stone floors stopped being so cold, even hobbits have limits you know," Bilbo huffs back, agitated by his new present.

Meeting the dwarves' gaze, Bilbo realizes, scoffing. "Oh, you have got to be kidding, my _feet _brought this on?"

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**Hehe. Reviews wanted, needed, craved for. (Reviews make me write faster!)**

**Please?**

**xoxo Brenda**


	5. So I Just Cut Them Off?

**Hehe, sorry for the late update! I've been at band camp, so ENJOY!**

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"They _are _nice feet," Bofur jokes.

Bilbo slumps, "So, I wear socks?"

"That won't fix it, laddie," Bombur says, scowling, "These dwarves are like vultures. They won't let up once the feeding frenzy has begun."

"I'm not even a _dwarf_!"

"Thorin could stop it," Bofur gives Bombur a knowing look that Bilbo misses.

"He will not. I'm not concerning him with my problems. If I can't handle this, I don't deserve to be in charge of cultivation sheets!"

Not sure how that mattered to courting, Bombur muttered, "Fine, lad, but you'll trip on those feet trying to fight this alone."

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**As always, thanks to 101olive4u, she's a doll. Please review! They make me happy, and a happy writer updates faster!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	6. I Don't Need Feet Anyways

**Enjoy!**

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When Bilbo convinces Bombur that _yes, he is alright_, they finally release him from the infirmary and he can return to his room.

What waits are three more gift-wrapped packages stacked by his door.

Bilbo adds them to the pile he already has without opening them, stuffing the gifts into his empty laundry basket until he can return them.

"If I didn't have feet, this wouldn't have happened," Bilbo mutters, kicking at the ground despondently, "Who needs them? They just help me…walk and stuff."

He decides that he's going to ignore any further presents and pretend he didn't receive them.

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**Reviews? Pwwweasssee?**

**xoxo Brenda**


	7. Libraries: Hiding and Reading

**Sorry for the late update! Enjoy!**

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The next day, Bilbo decides that he's going to hide in the recesses of the library. Besides, he'll get more work done on those cultivation sheets.

Donning socks before stopping by the kitchens for breakfast, Bilbo quickly makes for the library, sheets and tray balanced precariously in his hands.

He didn't need help from anyone to handle this, especially not stupid, terribly handsome dwarves like Thorin Oakenshield.

Nope. Not one iota of assistance.

Greeting Ori, he settles down into a comfortable armchair far into the depths of the library when an idea strikes him.

Why not research dwarfish courting customs?

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**This is literally me every time I like someone: hide from them, denial and stalkin-I mean _research_.**

**Hope I made you laugh!**

**Remember to review!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	8. I'm Having Tea, Leave Me Alone!

**Enjoy, my loves!**

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Bilbo doesn't notice that he's missed second breakfast and elevenses until Ori comes up behind him and says as much.

As Bilbo scrambles to hide his reading material (no one needs to know that he's being courted! _He _doesn't even want to know.) Ori holds up a tea tray, suggesting they take a break.

Stuffing the tome back on the shelf, Bilbo readily agrees, and the two share a lovely tea, discussing the restoration of the library in great detail.

The two talk of the books being imported from the Blue Mountains, and Bilbo offers up suggestions until…

"Master Baggins?"

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**I could never miss meals. And _why_ won't they leave the poor hobbit alone? His poor nerves, poor thing.**

**Hehe ;)**

**xoxo Brenda**


	9. They Found Me

**Early update because I (merciful writer) heard your pleas. Enjoy!**

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"A gift from Lord Vern."

"Lord?" Ori nearly chokes on his tea, "Bilbo, why is Lord Vern sending you courting-"

"I don't know!" Bilbo splutters out, head in his hands, "They just keep coming and I told Bofur and Bombur that I could handle it but this is the sixth one, and it's from a Lord for goodness' sakes and-"

Ori cuts him off before he has a breakdown. "Relax, Bilbo. You know who we need?"

"A good foot surgeon?"

Ori's confusion prompts Bilbo to explain, and when he's finished, Ori has a suggestion ready.

"We need Nori and Dori."

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**So, are you gonna review? This lord could cause some problems. Maybe. Maybe not.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	10. Brothers, Why Didn't I Think of That?

**Here's the next one!**

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"Nori and Dori?"

"What else could you need besides two overprotective brothers, if you're so adverse to Thorin's help?"

"By the end of this, everyone but him will know," Bilbo huffs. "I told you I could handle it."

"Correction: you nearly had a panic attack telling me how you could not handle it."

"I can do it; it's just six measly gifts. I'll send them back in the morning."

"I'd imagine that Thorin would be informed if one of his lords were upset with you…"

Bilbo bangs his head on the table in frustration. "Fine, you win. Get your brothers."

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**Reviews are appreciated! (I update faster.)**

**Seriously, even one word would mean a notification in my email, which I'd love!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	11. Death is Coming for Someone

**Thank you all so much for such wonderful reviews. I will continue to update as often as I can, and continue with this fic throughout the upcoming school year. Thanks! Enjoy!**

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"What's wrong?" Dori looks worried.

All three are looking at him with something akin to concern combined with murderous intent. Bilbo finds it somewhat intimidating.

"Nothing. I'm just being courted."

"Do you wish to be courted?" Dori asks with a somber tone.

"Of course not! I just want to send these gifts back!"

"I could take them off of your hands," Nori jokes, quickly silenced by his brothers.

"Why won't you ask Thorin for help?"

"Because I don't want it!"

All three brothers shake their heads. This stubborn hobbit was going to be the death of them.

By Thorin's hands.

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***Rolls eyes* I know _exactly_ how Nori'd take those gifts off of Bilbo's hands. And poor, poor stubborn Bilbo, the silly hobbit.**

**Review! That's an Order! (*Shies away from readers* or a very small request...)**

**Thanks!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	12. Help is (Apparently) for the Weak

**Title says it all. Enjoy!**

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"Why don't you want Thorin's help, Bilbo?" Nori asks, looking confused. "He's the King, he could put a stop to it before it becomes a problem."

"It's a good idea," Dori agrees, shooting his brothers a look that Bilbo cannot interpret.

"I can't," Bilbo says seriously, "Thorin's only just let me do paperwork, and only because he's busy already. If I can't handle something simple, he won't trust me to handle anything."

Nori snorts, "Don't be _blind_!"

Exchanging another look, the dwarves try to tell Bilbo that he's wrong without offending him.

Thorin would not be happy if they did.

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***Sassy finger-snap* Bilbo can be blind if he wants to. But why's he wrong? (I know, but I'm not telling! Yet.)**

**Thanks for all of your reviews, I am working on trying to reply to y'all, sorry for the lateness. You know. Life.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	13. Where It's Explained and Denied

**Enjoy!**

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"You see," Dori says, "Thorin doesn't let anyone handle his paperwork."

"Not even Fili and Kili!" Ori adds.

"So," Nori continues, "Thorin already trusts you to handle things."

"And trust me," Ori adds. "He'd want to know about this."

Another shared look between the three brothers. It was starting to annoy Bilbo, who crossed his arms and gave them all an unimpressed look.

"You're wrong," he says brusquely, "With all due respect, dwarves are concerned with gems and gold, not agriculture. That's why."

The three exchange an exasperated glance.

Their hobbit fit right in, he was stubborn as a dwarf.

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**Silly hobbit.**

**Don't you think?**

**Review for me, my lovely readers**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. Did the flattery work? Time will tell...**


	14. Obtuse? Are You Calling Me Fat?

**Hehe. I like my chapter title. And no, not at all fat. Thanks for the response to the last chapter!**

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"But, Bilbo!" Ori was quick to retaliate, "Being given access to records is an important job, a real honor!"

"That, let me repeat, nobody is allowed to do!" Dori adds.

"Which is why I had better not jeopardize it with a silly little issue," Bilbo said primly, standing up, teacup in hand. "Thank you three for all of your help, but I'm going to go to my room. I think a nap is in order after all of this fuss. Good day."

And with that, their burglar left them, all shaking their heads.

"Hobbits," sighed Nori, "Can be so obtuse."

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**You are all so amazing and no, I'm not just saying that. (Now...ReViEw!)**

**xoxo Brenda**


	15. Running is for RUNNERS!

**Hehe. I hate running. Bleh. Poor Bilbo.**

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Bilbo shook his head as he walked up to his room. What was he going to do about this? Thorin would probably find out sooner than he'd like, given that he hadn't explicitly told the dwarves that Thorin needn't know.

Why him? He was just a hobbit, for goodness' sakes! Not even the other hobbits at home had been interested in him. He'd been considered odd, despite living as a 'respectable' hobbit should, before he'd run off adventuring.

He shook his head, yawning. He couldn't wait to lie down and sleep.

"Master Baggins?"

"Not again," Bilbo mumbled, starting to run.

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**Hope you enjoyed Bilbo's internal panic attack. Who's after him this time? Poor thing.**

**Review. 'Cause I asked you with an adorable puppy-face.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	16. These Gifts are a Safety Hazard!

**Special thanks to 101olive4u, who just edited another batch of chapters. Thanks!**

**Special Author's Note: Hi, everyone. In reponse to a lot of lovely reviews, I'd like to tell you that I made this a drabble (100 word per entry) series because the plot bunny struck and I'm short on time. I understand that you would all like longer chapters, but I'm just explaining the reason why they are as short as they are. (Because I still really wanted to write this for you!)**

**Sorry for the long A/N. Hopefully you'll enjoy!**

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"Master Baggins!" the voice called.

Bilbo hadn't run this fast since Smaug had come after him. "Dratted dwarves," he pants, still running. "Why can't they leave me alone?"

The voice seems to get closer as he runs past the kitchens and up the corridor, pursued by the persistent gift-giver.

"Can't talk right now!" he calls, "Sorry!"

He's finally reached his room, finally! He opens the door…

And trips on a gift.

"Bilbo?" Kili asks from behind him, sounding out of breath.

"Why did you run from us?" Fili continues, looking at him quizzically.

Oh, Bilbo had some explaining to do.

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**Fili and Kili! Welp, please review? I'll love you even more than I already do,**

**xoxo Brenda**


	17. Am I Wearing a Please Harrass Me Sign?

**Hehe. Thanks for the love, my readers. Thanks. Really. You guys made my crappy AP and horrible math class ONLINE so much better.**

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"Fili! Kili!" Bilbo says, not having to pretend to be surprised. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," Fili says bemusedly, "Uncle wanted to know how the paperwork is."

"He's nervous about having help," Kili whispers, "But no one is supposed to know the King is nervous."

Bilbo chuckles, sounding strained to his ears. "Oh, very well. They'll be done soon."

"No rush," Kili says, grinning.

"Well, I'll get working on them, now." Bilbo tries to skirt around them. "If you'll excuse me…"

"Bilbo?" They block his way.

"Yes, Kili?" Please don't ask.

"So, why were you running from us?"

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**Welp, I'm not good at long Author's Notes, which you guys probably love. But if you like what I'm doing here and want an instant virtual cookie (I love white chocolate macadamia) please review. I'd appreciate it very much.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	18. Just What I Want: An Invasion of Privacy

**Thanks for your support! *Hands out cookies to the good reviewers*. Enjoy!**

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"Oh, no reason," Bilbo laughs lightly, wringing his hands and trying to think up an acceptable lie. "Just, you know, getting some exercise. Does this hobbit some good."

The brothers meet his eyes, unconvinced by his feeble falsehood. Fili picks up the gift Bilbo had tripped on earlier. "Look at this, Kili."

"May I have-"

"Ah," Kili says, glint in his eye as he regards a red-cheeked Bilbo. "Fee, it's from," he chokes, coughing out a mumbled, "Lord Gerein."

Fili's eyes go wide. "Lord Gerein?" he mouths, looking, dumbfounded, at the small box.

Oh, this can't be good, Bilbo thinks.

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**Who's this Lord dwarf? I don't even know. (Really, I don't.)**

**Review again? I'm giving out poooppppppssicccllleeeesss!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	19. This Scares Them, It Can't Be Good

**Fee and Kee! :) Enjoy!**

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"But…" stutters Kili, "He's…"

"Here. And really important."

"What's wrong with that?" Bilbo asks defensively.

They level eye contact with the hobbit.

"He's been a bachelor for the last forty-"

"Years." Fili finishes.

It's Bilbo's turn to choke on dry air. "Forty…years?"

They nod solemnly, handing him the gold-wrapped package.

Inside the slender box was a gold bookmark, the vines of a bean plant winding around it, emeralds shimmering from their places.

The note attached was blush-worthy. The thick cursive print read, 'With Love, Lord Gerein'.

"What's going on, Bilbo?" Fili asks.

Let's tell the world, thinks the addressed ruefully.

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**Well? WELL? Tell me! You guys aren't going to get fat on the virtual candy bars I'm handing out! What kind do you want?**

**xoxo Brenda**


	20. Fili and Kili in Trouble? Surprise!

**First, my condolences for those who suffered in the 9/11 attacks thirteen years ago. It pains me just to think about it.**

***Cheers* Chapter twenty! Sorry if this isn't what y'all expected...it's kinda a slow burn story. Enjoy anyways! How could you not? It's Fili ad Kili! **

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It isn't five minutes after he tells Fili and Kili what's going on that Thorin stomps towards them looking...

Angry.

Bilbo immediately gulps and steps behind the two brothers, praying Thorin hadn't found out.

Luckily for Bilbo, Thorin hadn't.

"Fili! Kili!" he yelled, pointing his finger at the brothers, stomping towards them.

"Uncle!" Kili said pleasantly, "What can we do for you?"

"You!" Thorin advanced on his nephew thunderously, "Where is my sword?"

"Your sword?" Fili asks, equally pleasant and looking innocent, "We haven't _stolen _it. How badly you think of us!"

"Well then," Thorin almost yells, "Where is it?"

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**Hehe, the next chapter's a funny one. I'll post it up tomorrow. In return maybe you could *blushes and points down, eyes downcast, Help Me?* **

**Oh, for goodness' sakes, get your heads out of the gutter, that's not what I meant - and review?**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. Desperately seeking cuddling partner.**

**P.S.S. Just cuddles, get your head out of the gutter!**


	21. Don't You Two Ever Get Grounded?

**Enjoy Fili and Kili bickering sass! Happy Friday!**

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"We've only borrowed it," Kili said, giving the dwarf in question an adorable wide-eyed look, "We'll go and get it back."

"Right now," Fili confirms, adding under his breath, "Out of the bottom of the well."

"Where we dropped it," Kili mutters.

"Weighed a bit _heavy_ in a certain dark-haired _archer's_ arms," Fili whispered.

"_After _a certain blonde dwarf _dropped it first_," Kili hisses back.

Bilbo sighs at their antics. At least it wasn't _him_ getting chewed out this time.

"Oh, and Uncle!" Kili says with a wink, "You can ask Bilbo about your paperwork!"

Bilbo sincerely hated the princes.

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**Have a great weekend! **

**Did this make you laugh? Then review! And I'll give you virtual...pizza!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	22. Bye Bye Bye

**The title was a shameless N'Sync reference. I'm not sorry.**

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After approximately an _eternity _spent in awkward silence, Thorin clears his throat and speaks.

"So…the paperwork?"

"Oh, you know," Bilbo rambles, "It's been going well. I'm pretty far through it. Erm, when do you need it by?"

In all honesty, he hadn't had _any _time to work on the paperwork because of this courting problem. The courting problem that was _not _a problem.

"Soon," the King replies, "Is a week time enough?"

"Oh, sure!" Bilbo waves his hand breezily. He's going to need a lot of tea. "No problem."

"Good. That's good."

"Master Baggins!"

Oh, please, not again, Bilbo begged.

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**They're so awkward :) Hehehe!**

**Review if you love this story...which should be a lot of you *crosses fingers* and like...pie!**

**Please, though, I'd love 100 reviews-it'd be the first time ever!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	23. Please, Get in My Business Again, Wizard

**Thank you guys so much for making my day with 100 reviews! You guys rock!**

**Hehe, here's an exotic character feature today! I'm sitting in an AP class with 5 hours of sleep. You're welcome.**

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"Excuse me," says Bilbo, "I've got to…go. I'll have that paperwork to you soon!"

Leaving a dumbfounded Thorin behind him, Bilbo rushes in the direction of the voice, hoping to deter it far, far away from the King.

"Yes?" he calls.

"Bilbo!" lo and behold, the wizard Gandalf stands before him. "It is nice to see you again," says he.

"Gandalf!" Bilbo says, flustered, "Yes, yes, very nice to see you! How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," Gandalf gives him a knowing smile. "But I hear that you've had an eventful time of it recently?"

Bilbo groans. "You know too?"

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**Throw me some reviews; get me through the day.**

**I love you all,**

**xoxo Brenda**


	24. How About I Just Ignore Your Advice, OK?

**Hehe, here I am! With five/six hours of AP World History homework waiting. So glad to update, though!**

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"Yes, I do know," smiles Gandalf, "I didn't know your feet would be so attractive, truth be told."

Bilbo groans, "Well, apparently they were. Any advice?"

"You need help," these words are surprisingly blunt, "Get help."

"Not as obscure as usual," Bilbo remarks. He knows that Gandalf wants him to go to Thorin. "Thanks, but I can handle this."

The wizard merely shakes his head with another smile, "Stubborn hobbit!" he replies. "Do what you will, Bilbo, and good luck in doing it. For now, I must talk to Thorin. Good day."

"Good day," Bilbo returns, and Gandalf walks away.

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**Bilbo's kinda sassy in this one, isn't he?**

**Thanks as always for 101olive4u's amazing beta-ing. She's great! Seriously, now go check out her Hobbit fics. Fabulous!**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. You know, I forgot something. Please, pretty please review! They'll truly get me through the night, in which I'll go to bed at 1 am and get up at 7 again. Good times. Thank you, amazing readers! I love you.**


	25. Who Ever Said Gold Hurts? Me

**I'm so sorry! If you had five hours of homework a night, you wouldn't have time to write either. I promise to try to be better. Enjoy the pain to follow.**

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The next days pass quickly, and the gifts continue to stack up in Bilbo's room. So far, he's counted at least thirty, but ignores them to continue working on paperwork. He hopes that ignoring the problem until it goes away is a workable solution.

However, he realizes that this isn't an option when he procures a ladder, puts the next present on the stack, and it promptly topples down.

And Bilbo is quite literally drowning in gold.

Already feeling the bruises that are sure to follow, the burglar reconsiders his strategy of having no strategy.

He's hoping this ends soon.

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**Please review even though I've been a horrible author. For Bilbo's sake.**

**Who can resist that?**

**xoxo Brenda**


	26. Proper Gardens? Must Be a Hobbit Thing

**See! Updating! With 1/2 the sleep I should've been getting all week and more homework waiting! But y'all don't care about that, do you? :) I'll let you get to the story!**

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Bilbo is working in the conservatory when Bofur approaches him.

"Bofur!" Bilbo greets the friendly dwarf with a smile, "How are you?"

"Just fine, Bilbo, thanks," Bofur replies, "How's the paperwork going?"

"Well. I should have it done by tomorrow at the latest. You dwarves know almost _nothing_ about a proper garden."

Bofur takes the hobbit's condescending huff in stride, laughing. "We don't know nearly as much as hobbits. Remember, we relied on the town for trade."

"Humph," Bilbo says to this logical reasoning, "I suppose you're right. Anyways, what brings you down here?"

Bofur's smile drops, "It's not good."

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**Well, can we get to 115 reviews by tomorrow?**

**Time will tell.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	27. In Other Words, Don't Make Them Mad

**Hehe. Onwards with the story. Bofur's got a problem with Bilbo's courtship? Must be bad.**

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"What's wrong?" Bilbo looks up, concerned.

"About your courting…affair," the dwarf struggles with the words, "Have you _replied_ to any of these," he coughs, "Overtures?"

"Well, no," Bilbo replies, "I've just been ignoring the problem. These gifts are piling up though. I've even considered giving them to Nori."

Bofur looks like he wants to bang his head against the grey stone walls. "Then it's more of a problem than I thought."

"Why…?"

Bofur leans close, his cheerful persona for once sobered, "They're getting impatient. Someone's going to tell Thorin, and soon."

Bilbo nearly groans in frustration. "What should I do?"

* * *

**What should he do? Mrp? (Mrp = I don't know.)**

**So tell me. Reviews would be very nice.**

**Very. Nice.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	28. Don't Be Bitter, Bilbo

**Enjoy! I had college visit day today. Guess what? 12,000 steps. In heels. My feet kill.**

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"You mean, besides running away from the mountain, screaming?" Bofur jokes before quieting as a dwarf walks past them, staring at Bilbo's (now covered) feet.

Bilbo snaps his feet back under his chair, glaring, even though his glare isn't nearly as intimidating as he thinks it to be. "Yes."

"You can write notes. But proper courting includes a formal trial stage of all candidates, if the person in question is going about it traditionally. Considering, however, that you don't wish to be courted, I'd just say no, politely."

Politely, my feet, thinks Bilbo bitterly, still nursing bruises from his 'gifts'.

* * *

**Hope you liked it.**

**Ideas, comments, wanna tell me to stop talking about my personal life? Review. Or PM me. **

**Thanks to you guys for keeping the reviews coming. I really love them, even if they're just one word, so please keep it up.**

**Love,**

**xoxo Brenda**


	29. Kept at the Mountain by Food

**Hehe, here's your new chapter! I find it really cute that...well, you'll see.**

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Bilbo has been working on his 'polite refusals' for the past two hours, and he can't think of one thing to write.

So instead, he sets aside his pen and begins to munch on the muffins that Bombur had (kindly) brought up for him, still worried that their hobbit was much too skinny.

Bilbo didn't have the heart to tell Bombur that he'd gained five pounds while he'd been at the mountain.

Not that he was counting.

With a sigh, he picks up his letters again and begins to write.

All he can hope is that Thorin doesn't find out.

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**Look at them trying to fatten Bilbo up, and Bilbo's own stubbornness *sighs*. I feel so bad for making you guys wait so long. Hopefully the actual *thing* is coming soon.**

**That being said, ya'll Need to Review. Seriously. Please? **

**Please.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	30. Mustn't Forget the Socks

**Hehe, just some filler, more action is coming soon to this cotton candy fluff of a fic. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

By mid-afternoon, Bilbo has the gifts ready with his notes attached.

Ordering them delivered, Bilbo slumps back in his armchair before remembering: he had dinner in the Royal Hall tonight!

It was a celebration of the mountain being reclaimed the year prior, and the Company had emphasized how important it was for them to be there.

Afterwards, there was to be dancing and merrymaking. Bilbo knew that 'merrymaking' translated into 'getting obscenely drunk' and was somewhat wary of the event.

Nevertheless, it was his duty to get ready for the event and be on time.

Now, where were his socks?

* * *

**MINI RANT: C'mon you guys. I realize that you are all very busy, what with work and school and such (me too) but please take the five seconds it takes to write a review if you can, otherwise I feel like the update wasn't very good. I love you all, but my writing self-esteem is low. Thanks so much!**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. Would it help if I offered more cookies? These ones have frosting pictures of Bagginshield on them. They took forever to draw. You're welcome! :)**


	31. Stop Thinking About It, Bilbo!

***Looks at inbox* *cheers*. Thank you guys sooo much. What an overwhelming response. Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it! You are amazing!**

* * *

Afternoon came and went. Slowly but surely, all of the gifts disappeared from Bilbo's room as he got ready for dinner.

Special occasions were important, and so, he wore his best clothes, silk and satin, set in royal blue. He even wore the delicate golden ring given to him by Thorin the week prior, a beautiful ring, set with sapphires, given as the dwarf thanked him for working on the papers.

Bilbo wondered if he'd made it.

Brushing away thoughts of the King, Bilbo adjusted his tunic and straightened his socks before deeming himself ready and making his way downstairs.

* * *

**Always with the socks. And Bilbo is beginning to realize! Sort of. Kinda.**

**Tonight's the Homecoming dance! Must go and be prettified! (Like that's possible...)**

**Bye-bye!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	32. Who's Jealous? It Can't Be Thorin!

**Thank you guys for reviewing the last chapter! Reviews are better than chocolate! And I love chocolate! i had a great time at Homecoming, and I must have looked okay because people said so? Maybe? **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The Company awaited him in the Hall, waving from their own seats at the front of the room.

Bilbo ended up at the first table, sitting between Bofur and Kili, who were jovial seatmates and poked fun at the stuffy lords and ladies. Thorin sat behind them.

"Taken care of your problem?" Bofur whispered as Kili began laughing about something.

Bilbo nodded, "I think."

Bilbo tried to ignore the King's eyes on the back of his head as he continued talking to Bofur, but couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, even as Thorin stood up to address the party.

* * *

**Hehe, Bilbo and Thorin, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Wait a second, not yet?**

**Awwwwwww.**

**Know what else reviews are better than? **

**I'll let you decide.**

**xoxo Brenda**


	33. The Party Don't Start Til Bilbo Walks In

**I'm back! It's been crazy. I literally got 3 hours of sleep last night, _but _we marched (band) for Festival last night and got the best score possible from all three judges-ONES! Yay!**

**Don't think I haven't noticed we're at 150 reviews! Thank you guys so much, you're all great and amazing and absolutely lovely!**

**And because I've been only semi-coherent since the beginning of September, have some fluffy...whatever this stuff is.**

* * *

After the formalities were finished, the real party began much to Bilbo's chagrin; he wasn't much of a partier.

Nevertheless, he laughed and ate more than he should have with the merry dwarves, despite his eyes widening almost comically when the kegs were rolled out, all twenty of them. This was much to the amusement of Thorin, whose deep brown eyes caught his, making him blush.

The celebration itself was only an hour in when he felt two very heavy heads on his shoulders.

Fili and Kili. Drunk.

Oh, this will be fun, thought Bilbo ruefully.

Oh, so much fun.

* * *

**Image Bilbo's eyes on those kegs, hehehe.**

**Oh, this'll be fun! What do you think will happen? (I've gotta look too, I've forgotten what I wrote). **

**If there's one thing I know, with Fili and Kili it'll be absolutely hilarious!**

**xoxo**

**Brenda**


	34. Keeping Secrets is Overrated

**Get it? Kee-ping secrets? Like, I don't know, Kili?**

* * *

"Fee!" Kili slurred over Bilbo's shoulder, the scent of ale in his breath. "You know what would be cool?"

"What, Kee?" Fili stuttered back, sounding only slightly-less drunk than his brother.

"We should be Bilbo's bodyguards! We could be the ninjas defending him against-"

Bilbo clamps a hand over Kili's mouth just as Thorin turns to look at them. Thorin just gives Bilbo an odd look and turns away as Bilbo blushes.

"Not a word about that!" he hisses at the younger heir.

"About your court-" he's stopped again by Bilbo's hand.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**Poor Bilbo darling. Kili is just out to spoil everything.**

**So, you should review. For the chocolate, chocolate glazed, chocolate chip cake I have at home.**

**Seriously, do it. It takes less than 15 seconds.**

**xoxo **

**Brenda**

**P.S. In celebration of my having ALMOST NO homework, you could gift me with a review. :)**


	35. Cucumbers: The Bane of Middle-Earth

**Thanks for the overwhelming response to the last chapter! It really got me through the rest of the week. Thanks!**

* * *

After that, Fili and Kili stood, trying to look serious as they marched circles around Bilbo. Thorin had walked up to them after the two had crashed to the ground from dizziness.

"What are they doing?" the sober-sounding King asked warily as his nephews yelled at anyone who came near to step away from 'our hobbit'!

"They're defending me against, um," Bilbo's mind worked quickly, "Cucumbers."

"Cucumbers?" Thorin repeated.

"That's what they said. They _are _inebriated," Bilbo defends.

"Ah," the King says, "While they do that, I need to talk to you about something."

Bilbo gulps, "What would that be?"

* * *

**Oh Fili and Kili, you silly, surprisingly lightweight dwarves. :P**

**I personally think that this chapter is hilarious (aren't I full of my own writing...ha...ha...)**

**Make my year and get yourself some donuts! Keep up the reviews!**

**xoxo Brenda**


	36. How to be Embarrassed 101

**Thanks for the reviews, enjoy!**

* * *

Bilbo _knew_ that Thorin didn't buy his incredibly weak argument, and couldn't believe that he'd used it himself. Resisting the urge to harshly connect hand to forehead, he tried to focus on what Thorin was saying, not the burning blush in his cheeks.

Thorin made small talk quietly, despite the raucous laughter in the hall, sitting in Kili's empty seat as the lad partied with his brother, thankfully forgetting about his 'bodyguard' job.

Bilbo knew that _he _needed to forget about how really...good...Thorin looked and focus on the conversation so as not to act like a fool.

Right about now.

* * *

**Oh, Bilbo, you forever silly hobbit.**

**Reviews are sweeter than hot cocoa on a cold winter day.**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. That was me offering you some.**

**P.S.S. Can't you tell I'm a hobbit, all this talk about food _and_ fangirling over Thorin Oakenshield?**

**P.S.S.S. Oh dear goodness, I'm _Bilbo_!**


	37. I Don't Have Trust Issues, Do You?

**Thanks for letting me write for you amazing people!**

**Goodness gracious, this chapter covers trust. (If the title didn't clue y'all in...)**

* * *

"What's that?" he asks, realizing Thorin was talking.

"I asked if you mind doing more paperwork. Last time's was perfect."

Bilbo is surprised to be asked to help again, "More agriculture?"

"No," Thorin replies, "We need to inventory the castle treasury."

Bilbo's mouth falls open, remembering Ori's words about Thorin not wanting help. His retort had been that _of course_ Thorin needed help, it was agriculture! But here he was, entrusted with knowing every asset the castle held, nothing agricultural about it. No, this was _money_.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," the answer is unusually warm.

"Well, sure. I'll help."

* * *

***Cheers* Yay! More dialogue between our lovely hobbit and his dwarf!**

**Let me also add. Thorin. Is. Trusting. Him. With. Money.**

**Think that over, have some of the cinnamon rolls i brought, and let me know what you think.**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. That means you review :P**


	38. The Ring is Preciousss, No?

**Hehe, Thorin's just got our hobbit in _such_ a state (And if I didn't know any better, he's gotten you readers into one too). Care to read on? ;)**

* * *

Thorin thanked him, promising to give him papers and his own task force in the morning.

He then nodded at Bilbo's hand. "Do you like the ring?"

Bilbo caught a hint of nervousness in the dwarf's eyes. Why? "Of course I do. Its absolutely beautiful."

He wasn't lying. The courting gifts made him feel slightly sick, like he was being bought, but Thorin's gift was...different. Bilbo liked the warm feeling of the ring on his finger, the sheer beauty of the craft astounding, and how Thorin wanted absolutely nothing from him as he gave it.

Darn Thorin for being so...perfect.

* * *

**Hehe, awwww.**

**Thanks for last chapter's reviews; its funny because as I was reading them I was _literally_ eating a cinnamon roll .**

**So, who wants some pie? I'll let you choose; a la mode or a la no mode?**

**Review and tell me!**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. Not so very long ago you wonderful people got me to 100 reviews. Can we do 200?**


	39. Rude Much, Bilbo?

**Oh, Bilbo, you become more dwarflike every day.**

* * *

The next morning, Bilbo woke up late to knocking on his door.

Opening his eyes, the hobbit groaned, sliding down from the too-tall bed to grunt sleepily that he was coming.

Last night had gone well, and it hadn't ended until four in the morning when the majority of the dwarves had passed out.

Shoving feet into socks and arms into robe, Bilbo made his way to the door. It was probably one of the Company.

He opened the door, poised with his polite rejection when a voice interrupted.

"Bilbo?" asks Thorin, nephews standing behind him. Bilbo slammed the door.

* * *

**Poor Thorin. Thanks for reading-and reviews would really help me think of new ideas, gain some insight, let me give out ice cream cones...**

**Yeah, I'm looking at you, reader. Please review, for your lovely writer,**

**xoxo Brenda**


	40. Who's Really Being Punished?

**Hehe! We've reached 40 chapters! Enjoy!**

* * *

Bilbo called back through the door, "One minute, Thorin!"

Within thirty seconds he was back, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, and panting from exertion. "Sorry, you woke me up. I forgot about the paperwork."

Thorin smiled back, looking strained, "We're sorry to have done that. I have it, and Fili and Kili are to help you."

"Really?"

"Yes," Thorin's expression went darker. "Apparently, they were trying to reach to the bottom of a well. With my weaponry."

Bilbo stifled his chuckle, he understood perfectly. "I see. Don't worry! We'll get it done."

Bilbo wished he could have refused the help.

* * *

**Who's going to be my 200th reviewer? Time will tell...**

**Oh yeah, review! Hopefully no one will die in the next chapter...****Hehhehheh...*ahem*...Never you mind...**

**xoxo **

**Brenda**

**P.S. Your customary sweet treat is scones! In honor of Junnistaken, who was nice enough to invite me over for scones and hot chocolate :)**


	41. Bilbo, Bandages, Blood

**Hehe, scared you with my title, didn't I? Read on! ;)**

* * *

Bilbo loved Fili and Kili. Truly he did.

However, that doesn't make the five hours that they spend in the treasury room any easier. He really needs to ask about these things _before_ agreeing.

And as for stopping the princes' arguing at every turn? Impossible. They were forever in a schism about what something was or where it went.

He was close to snapping when he heard the heard the sound of breaking glass, Fili standing near it looking guilty and Kili bleeding.

Bilbo sighed; he was going to need a lot of tea, a long break, and oh-so-many bandages.

* * *

**Aren't you guys glad Bilbo didn't die? Tehe, I think that Thorin just wanted Bilbo away from all those courters when he assigned him this task...**

**Here, have some raspberry Danish, I had some last night and it was _fabulous__ly delicious._**

**Mmm.**

**xoxo Brenda**

**P.S. You already know. Review :)**


	42. NOT AN UPDATE NOT AN UPDATE NOT AN UP

From the couch in my bedroom where I sit drowning in AP World History homework.

Subject: I'm sorry.

My dearest readers,

I have to write this quick, because it's late and the pages and pages of notes I have aren't going to finish themselves, but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging any longer wondering where I'd gone and if I was ever coming back.

Rest assured, I am still here (*cue some of you groaning in distaste, stroking their glossy weapons with a dark gleam in your eyes*).

I am still writing this story, but, due to complete lack of time (seriously, I go to bed around midnight and am up by 6:30 every day because of school/work) I am not updating until...I'm not even sure when. It could be tomorrow, or it could be in three weeks.

All I know is that I truly love this story and writing it for you guys and having you_ tell me how much you like it_...it's something truly amazing. And I'm not intending to give that up anytime soon.

All my love,

xoxo Brenda

P.S. I almost forgot, you readers really deserve some food...how about muffins and apple cider?


	43. Don't Call Me, I'm Drunk on Tea

**Yay! An update! Sorry for the wait, but I did get it up! (Now...that homework...)**

**Someone said something about tea drunkenness? You rock! Enjoy!**

* * *

Bilbo swayed woozily, clutching his — was it his fifth? — pot of tea.

The floor was swaying, his head was aching, and he hadn't felt this nauseous since trying Lobelia's scones a few years back.

Granted, Bilbo was positive that she'd attempted to poison him, because that was the sort of sorry folk the Sackville-Bagginses were, with all due respect to the Baggins name.

As he stumbled along, the hobbit heard disjointed voices calling for him. Bilbo turned to answer but suddenly slumped limply to the ground, the world going black around him.

Behind a stone pillar, a shadowy figure smiled.

* * *

**Someone's plotting something bad...Take wild guesses as to who for s'mores...please do, I _live_ for your reviews!**

**Anyone else get drunk on things that you aren't supposed to? **

** I do, it's called _lack of sleep_.**

**Laters!**

**xoxo Brenda**


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